It's not you, it's me

Alayna I love you but I just don't think we can be friends for the next couple weeks. I'm sorry. I know we have been friends for a long time and while it is true that you have been there for me more times than I can count, I just don't think I can stand by you through this. Here's my beef. At 35 weeks pregnant you look like this: Soooooo not fair! You and your cute little basketball belly that you can't even see from the back. And your cute maternity clothes that don't look like maternity clothes. And heels? What?!? Seriously, I love you and I can't wait to resume our friendship after whatshertoes is born but for now, I hope you can understand why we just can't be friends. No? Maybe this will refresh your memory:

Me at 32 weeks pregnant. A couple of things you should note:

1. I cut my head out of the picture so you couldn't see all of my chins.

2. If you look closely you will see that I am roughly the same size as the Christmas tree I am standing in front of.

3. I am not only NOT wearing maternity clothes, I am wearing Robbie's clothes. In this picture, it is Christmas eve so I am wearing my fancy outfit.

4. At the time that this picture was taken I had not driven for over a week because I could not fit behind the steering wheel. It was 4 more weeks until the kids were born and then I was on painkillers for two weeks after that. By the time I was able to drive again I had to retake my driving test.

5. I was still pregnant for 4+ weeks after this picture was taken. The pictures taken after this were so bad that I could not show them in public. I am saving them in the event that one day I need something from the kids and I can guilt them into doing what I want by showing them the pictures and saying "Look what I went through for you!"

6. Heels were not an option for me. Heck, shoes weren't even an option for me. I spent months in slippers.
7. The weird looking thing hanging from the sleeve of my shirt is, indeed, my puffy swollen hand.

I could go on but I think you get it. Now, I don't want any pity because I had two kids using my gigantic belly as their temporary residence. I know that it is different but it still isn't fair! I love you Lai and I can't wait to come and hold your sweet little girl when she is born and I hope to be the same "Auntie Nobody" to her that you have been to Ben and Abby. So give me a call when you give birth or gain a couple of chins.