Mother of the Year

2012 is winding up in about 24 hours and it occurred to me today that I have yet to receive my Mother of the Year Award.  Seriously? Where could it be?  I thought about blaming the post office (thieves!!!) but I've seen our mailman and I don't think he would be fooling anyone with my stolen award.  So then I figured there must have been some sort of glitch at the Awards Office.  Maybe they are late notifying the winner this year.  That seems likely.  I mean they are probably busy.  And they can't be that organized or they'd be winning the award. 

But then I got to thinking.  And who am I kidding?  I will NEVER be Mother of the Year.  I just don't have it in me.  I saw one of those "I might lose some friends over this" posts on Facebook yesterday about "perfect mothers" and while I don't feel guilty that I don't make cakepops for my kids' class (if they'd seen my attempt at that they would thank me) or that I never made my own organic baby food (my life was so crazy busy those kids were just lucky to get fed!), I do realize there are some basic parenting tasks that I'm really really bad at.  So without further ado, I give you

THE TOP 3 PARENTING JOBS I SUCK AT:

1. Bathing.  I am really bad at it.  I hate it.  I have hated it from the beginning when I had to try and keep two slippery little bodies from slipping out of my soapy hands to their death in an inch of water.  It didn't get any better when they were bigger.  It just got messier.  And I hate messes.  Once they learned to splash it was all over.  Water everywhere.  Ugh.  And once they got a little bit older, it was messy and a fight because they didn't want to do it.  This, my friends, is why my kids go to swimming lessons.  Not only are they learning to swim, they are guaranteed at least two showers a week.  Talk about a win win.  It works out well for me. Until there is no swimming lessons (darn the winter break!) and I can't really pinpoint the last time my kids were bathed.  But I can't find it in me to actually do it.  So unless there is a wedding, clean underwear is as good as it gets.
2. Allowance.  Yes my kids get allowance...when I remember to put it out.  We don't give allowance based on chores (theoretically, they get it whether or not they do their chores) but still.  I should be able to remember to slap eight quarters on the table once a week.  But I can't.  The good news is that I have a TON of quarters.  The bad news is that my kids know I suck at passing out allowance.  "Mom, you haven't paid us for like, 5 weeks.  Again."
3. Playing.  I love kids but I hate playing.  I like to blame my lack of imagination but I think it might also have to do with the fact that when kids ask you to play they don't actually want you to play or touch anything, they just want you to sit next to them and watch (and comment on) their every move.  Me (with my ADD) can't just sit there so I try to drive a car or dress a Barbie.  And then I get in trouble and we have to start all over.  It really is excruciating.  I love to be with my kids.  Doing anything but "playing".

 

There are more.  Plenty more.  Like Baby Books (I started...) and Legos (no clue how to do those things) and the list could go on.  But guess what?  I'm okay with all of it.  Because I know I can't do everything so I do what is most important to me and my family.  So I probably won't be getting any awards anytime soon (I mean, most of the time when my kids cry I stop to take a picture before I figure out what is wrong) and I'm okay with that too.